Dinner Party Talk – For your weekend

Do you like my outfit?

Cheers, baby! It’s an epidemic! Last week, a baby got soused on a margarita at a Michigan Applebee’s. Then, a Florida two-year-old got drunk on sangria at Olive Garden. Now comes word that a four-year-old at a Chicago area Chili’s ordered a chocolate milkshake and ended up with a “Mudslide” (That’s vodka, you teetotaler!) I need to borrow myself a toddler.
Pay your Bills-board. Having trouble paying your mortgage? Well, Adzookie might have your solution. According to the advertising company’s website, they are looking for a few good homes that they can paint as bright, giant ads. In exchange, they’ll pay your mortgage for every month your house remains painted. Attention renters: don’t even try it!
Anger Wo-management. China is overtaking us in every way (just ask The Donald). Now, a mall in China has created a women-only “frustration venting room.” For the equivalent of $5.61 (a.k.a. “a gallon of gas”), ladies can go into a room and smash TV sets, cell phones, and dishes. I’ve finally found an idea for all that empty mall space! Any investors?
iPod, iPad, iPhone,…iPant. We’ve taken the “i” too far. Company Wacoal (you can pronounce it Wacko!) has created what is basically a girdle that shapes, sculpts, and releases “ingredients into your skin” while you move throughout the day. Said ingredients: caffeine, vitamin E, retinol, aloe vera, and ceramides. Just so we’re clear, I’m not making this up.
iBone. It’s not really called that, but if I invented it, it would be! For all the men who are feeling iPantless… you might be interested in Europe’s new CSD500 condom. What is it? A rubber with a dollop of blood percolating Zanifil®, of course! Makers promise it will lead to a plumper, firmer, happier Oscar Myer Wiener.
Hot dog! Now, let’s put all this together — women, men, and hot dogs. Richard Shea, president of Major League Eating, told the NY Post that Nathan’s is adding a women-only division to its annual hot-dog eating contest. This will finally give 105-pound Sonya Thomas and her highly elastic stomach a shot at wiener gold.
Bless you, my son. This week when Steven Hack committed suicide by leaping from his 72nd Street Manhattan apartment, he hit the sidewalk with a sad kerplunk. But there was a little piece of good news in his sidewalk smash. He missed landing on a nun by a mere inches and she was able to do the rite thing. She stopped and said a prayer over him.
Pulitzer Prizes. Those things were given out this week and all you need to know is that this blog did not win one.
Now, hop into Easter Weekend and eat your dinner.

Share Button
This entry was posted in American Fun, Dinner Party Talk, Gossip!, Life 101, Uncategorized, What I'm Doing and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.