Joke’s on him. A group of seven state employees in Albany hit the recent $319 million Mega Millions jackpot! But, then, there was the eighth guy, the one who usually played, but… just had an unlucky feeling about this one. They asked twice. He decided he was “going to pass this time.” Ouch. I hope they loan him money for therapy.
OMG LOL! The stuffy Oxford dictionary added some informal words to its lush lexicon. Wassup? In addition, to the teen texting abbreviations, they also added “muffin top.” Originally popularized on an episode of “Seinfeld” as the top portion of an actual muffin, it is now defined as “a protuberance of flesh above the waistband of a tight pair of trousers.” Or a day trip around any American mall.
Presidential joke. Donald Trump is officially drunk on the Kool-Aid. This week he perpetuated the myth that President Obama was born “elsewhere,” even though that has been positively debunked. To prove his mettle, Trump offered his own birth certificate, which was promptly disqualified as a joke by NYC’s Health Department because it didn’t have the city seal. So, Trump quickly dug up another one.
Oprah’s goodbye. But wait, there’s more Trump! The Queen of Daytime has invited The Donald and his bad hair and orange skin for one of her last shows. According to Page 6 (my go to source for hard news!), Oprah wants to give Donald a makeover! The invite promised, “This will become one of those historical television moments that will become iconic.” I’d say…
No joke. As we say goodbye to Women’s History Month and hello to April showers, I can’t not tell you about “Vulva Original.” What is it? Well, according to Harper’s magazine, German company VivaEros has created the “scent of a beautiful woman” and packaged it in a small roll-on for $35. The promotional video shows a hunky male watching a sexy woman riding a stationary bike in a beautiful gym. After her workout, the male gently sniffs the seat. “The female smell of intimacy,” promises the ad, “triggers sexual attraction and desire,” which men can address “more intensely during self-stimulation.” I wish I could say April Fools! I’m definitely going to have nightmares.
Final laugh. Did you hear about the woman who had twins and put them up for adoption? One goes to Egypt and they name him Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain and they name him Juan. Years go by and Juan sends his birth mother a picture of himself. Upon receiving the photo, the woman cries to her husband that she wished she had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband looks at her and says, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal!”
Now, stop laughing at me and eat your dinner!
