Weiner roast! Let’s start the summer by throwing a Weenie on the grill. Just what made Congressman Anthony Weiner think, “Oh, I’ll take a picture of my ding dong and send it out to a few females?” I mean, with a name like Weiner, you’re asking to be skewered. I don’t think it can be blamed on booze. A year or so ago I had dinner with Mr. Weiner and I can report he sneered judgmentally at my third glass of wine, and did not show me his wiener. Let’s all sing, “Oh, I’m glad I’m not an Anthony Weiner. That is what I’d never like to be…”
Sexting. While we’re talking parts and pieces, I thought I’d offer a little lifestyle tip on the fad for young and old, congressmen and regular Joes. If you think taking a proud picture of your parts and pieces and sending those bits to someone (whether a porn star or your grandma) by Tweet, by e-mail, or by message in a bottle, be warned—someday, somewhere, somehow those things are going to come back and bite you in the ass. Just saying, don’t be a dumb wiener.
Dr. Death is dead. Dr. Jack Kevorkian, who in 1956 began photographing patients’ eyes as they died, met his maker last week. In 1989, when a quadriplegic man asked for his help to kill himself, Dr. Death began creating his infamous suicide machine. The first test drive was by Janet Adkins, a 54-year-old with Alzheimer’s, and at least 45 people became satisfied customers. The controversial Dr. Kevorkian died ironically unassisted.
High five! This week Connecticut became the 13th state to decriminalize marijuana. That’s right, possession of less than a half-ounce of pot will garner you a $150 fine, but no criminal charges. So, the only thing that will affect is how much weed and munchies you can buy.
Are you on the list? The Atlantic hurricane season has opened, and U.S. weather forecasters (those who can be wrong 50% of the time and still keep their jobs) are predicting an above average year. They say we’ll have three to six major storms. And they are already ready with names. This year’s ‘canes will be called: Arlene, Bret, Cindy, Don, Emily, Franklin, Gert, Harvey, Irene, Jose, Katia, Lee, Maria, Nate, Ophelia, Philippe, Rina, Sean, Tammy, Vince, and Whitney.
Speaking of Whitney…. Whitney Houston is back in rehab. Poor thing. Ever since her low point (on the bathroom floor of her reality TV show), she hasn’t been able to get it back together. Come on, girl. I look to you to find your own strength. Or at least put down the pipe.
Nip slip. Reality TV semi-starlet, Khloe Kardashian buzzed up the Internet this week by appearing on Fox & Friends for six minutes with her right nipple in full view. Promoting the new season of E!’s Keeping Up with the Kardashians, she couldn’t keep her pigmented projection from saying “peekaboo!” to America. Khloe later Tweeted, “I had a nip slip and I loved it! My mom just called me saying my nip slip is ‘all over the Internet!’” Don’t you just love a proud Mama?
Last laugh. Do you know what the pig said while lying at the beach on a hot summer’s day? “I’m bacon!”
Now, slather up and eat your dinner!
