Dinner Party Talk – For your weekend

Next up… First, there was the earthquake. Now, we have Irene. Come on, Irene, let’s leave us out of this. As I type with one hand, I’m packing with the other. Headed for higher ground… or a Hurrication in the Catskills. Here’s hoping Irene decides she should just turn and head on out to sea.
Keep counting. I don’t know if you’ve ever taken my Life 101 advice, like spending an hour monitoring a square foot of earth in your backyard, but a new study makes me want to run into the woods with a magnifying glass. According to the journal PLoS Biology, only 14 percent of the earth’s estimated 8.7 million species of plant and animals have been identified. That means that at the current rate of discovery, it will take at least another 1,000 years to identify the other 7.7 million species. So, if you don’t have anything to do….
Bad Mommy of the Week. The crazy lady from Alaska (not that one!) the one who was so desperate to be on Dr. Phil, she videotaped herself filling her tot’s mouth with hot sauce and throwing him into a cold shower. Justice has been served. She was convicted this week of misdemeanor child abuse and faces up to a year in jail. Hey, if you want to be on TV, how about following Snooki’s route and do something dumb to yourself. Leave the kids out of it. A good time to remind all, social services is only a call away.
Nice putter! Jack Hiscock—I wish I had made that one up, but Jack’s parents beat me to it—is the captain of the golf team at Kansas’s Bethany College. The entire golf team has been suspended from three tournaments for lining up and taking a naked photo together. You can’t see any of the 15 players, um, clubs, because those and 30 balls are hidden behind, um, golf equipment. Jack Hiscock said, “It was only intended as a bit of fun with the lads.” Oops.
Speaking of putters… In 2007, a Kentucky man went in for circumcision surgery and woke up to discover that, yep, his foreskin was gone, but so was his love sausage! It had been amputated! “Why?!” You ask. “Why?!” He screamed. “Why?!” His wife cried. Dr. John Patterson (men, make a note of that name) said he found cancer in the weenie and removed it to save the man’s life. The case is going to trial. I’m just wondering what “exhibits” jurors will see.
Attention Dairy Princesses! HAZMAT teams in Nashville went bull-istic this week trying to determine what the foul vapor was coming from containers that fell off a Greyhound bus. When authorities finally got Greyhound on the phone, they discovered that the canisters were filled with frozen bull semen en route to Texas. But wait, there’s more. Did you know it is not uncommon for a bus to carry bull sperm to breeders? Oh, and bull semen samples are worth up to $20,000 a pop. Forget gold. I’m asking Jack Hiscock to meet me on a farm.
Paraprosdokian of the week: A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
Now, enjoy the last week of summer and eat your dinner.

Share Button
This entry was posted in American Fun, Dinner Party Talk, Gossip!, Household Tips, Life 101, Uncategorized, What I'm Doing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.