Dinner Party Talk – For your weekend

Here are some things to chew on.

Kick off. The Jets meet the Pittsburgh Steelers in the AFC Championship this Sunday, and the winner will be going to the Super Bowl. That’s exciting, but not as exciting as the real kick off, which for the rest of us, was this past Sunday’s Golden Globes. You don’t get more thrilling a game than Helena Bonham Carter wearing mismatched shoes and catching Angelina Jolie on the sidelines reapplying her lip gloss! Congrats to my friends Steve Buscemi and Melissa Leo! Both super talents and super nice.
How now, brown cow? Our march toward apocalypse continues as 200 cows were found dead this week in a Wisconsin field. Veterinarians said they died of cow diarrhea, but that hasn’t stopped those who survived the Millennium from warning that the clock is really ticking this time.
Regis retires. The world may in fact be coming to an end. Regis Philbin, the man who holds the Guinness Book of World Records for most face time on TV, announced Tuesday that he will retire from Live with Regis and Kelly. Who will sit beside Kelly?
An Apple a day. Bad news: Steve Jobs has proven that an Apple a day does not keep the doctor away and announced he would be taking another medical leave as Apple’s CEO to fight his cancer. Good news: The following day, Apple reported that its revenue and profits saw a 71% increase over the previous year.
That bites. Martha Stewart said she “surprised” her sleeping dog and got head-butted causing a rip in her lip. Look back at the photos. There’s not just one wound, there’s one on her nose and her cheek too. My theory: the dog attacked her after trying to decoupage the doghouse. If you’ve ever failed at making one of her crafts, you know what I mean.
Oh, poot! As if we don’t have enough problems in this world. Now, a guy has gone off and stabbed four people for making fun of his…well, his backdoor trumpet, booty bomb, rectal roar. Yep, 20-year-old Marc Higgins showed up drunk at a party in Connecticut and his sphincter whistle caused olfactory alarm and people laughed. He left and came back with knives and stabbed people, leaving one dead and three injured. Might I add Beano to our growing list of needs to repair this country’s divide?
Idle no more. The American Idol juggernaut is back and judging the judges, I’ll say: Steven Tyler’s fish lips aren’t distracting; Jennifer Lopez is gorgeous and seems sweet, and Randy Jackson still uses “Dawg” as a noun, adjective, and verb.
My Two Cents. ‘Tis Valentine season and the spread of love begins with you. Do something kind for someone this week and see how it makes you feel. Report back.
Now, eat your dinner!

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