Bruce Littlefield's Life 101

Un-American. This week on his radio show, Rush Limbaugh continued to prove that he is everything I hope America isn’t. A caller asked him, “If these are the people that invented the Prius, have mastered public transportation, recycling, why did Mother Earth, Gaia if you will, hit them with disaster?” Limbaugh then made fun of the fact that Japanese refugees in shelters are recycling their garbage. “Even now, refugees are recycling their garbage,” he said, then started laughing. “And yet, Gaia levels them! Just wipes them out!” Seriously?
Dog toy. Florida paramedic Cindy Economou has served six months probation for second-degree petty theft. What did she steal? Hold onto your stomach and your foot… sweet Cindy showed up at a nasty car crash and stole a disembodied foot. Why, Cindy, why? Oh, she had good intentions. She wanted to use the thing to train her cadaver-sniffing dog. “It was an unrecognizable mass of flesh,” she said. “It wasn’t a clean cut. You couldn’t even recognize it as a foot. If I had thought it was somehow reattachable and usable, I would have gone to my commander.” Oh, that makes it better. Foot theft victim Karl Lambert is now suing her for an arm and a leg.
Speaking of dogs… An extremely rare Red Tibetan Mastiff named “Hong Dong” (which means “Big Splash” in Chinese) was just bought by a Chinese industrialist for $1.5 million, making Hong (or is it Dong?) the Lamborghini of dogs, the most expensive dog in the world. “Oh, how many shelter pups would that have saved?” my dog Westminster woofed.
Tick tock. This week we “sprang forward,” and I found out something I never knew. Before “Standard time,” each city in America had its own clock. Noon was when the sun was at its highest point. It was the railroads that set the Standard and created our modern time zones in America. I know what you’re thinking, Pine Bush still has it’s own time zone.
$ingers. Perhaps you’ve seen and heard the viral video smash, “Friday.” How about “My Jeans?” Well, let me catch you up. For an price, LA based production company Ark Music Factory will fly your child to LA, write a song for him or her, and record the “hit” and shoot a video. 13-year-old Rebecca Black’s “Friday,” has 17 million views on YouTube. Why? It’s hilariously bad, which means everyone wants to blog, Tweet, and Facebook it to a friend. But with the autotune and bubblegum video, it makes me want to record my own. So much so, I feel like Veruca Salt in “Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory”—“Give it to me now!” Two things I’m sure of: 1) this is THE bar mitzvah must-have gift of the season. 2) Glee will do their version.
Speaking of Glee. In addition to a gay kiss, this week’s Glee featured Kathy Griffin as failed Tea Party candidate, Tammy Jean Albertson, who was brought in to judge the regional show choir competition. Griffin was a little bit Palin, a little bit O’Donnell. Tammy Jean announced before the competition that: “I am not a witch,” and says she “twittered” that “Obama is a terrorist.” When the judges discussed Kurt and Blaine’s duet, Griffin’s character declared, “Well, boys shouldn’t do a duet. The last thing we need to do is send a message to children that ‘gay is okay.’ It is not a legitimate lifestyle, and last time I checked, it’s not in the Constitution.”
Dateline Ellenville, NY. On 209 at the red light. A truck turns off Main Street with a sticker across the windshield that said, “REDNECK SEXY.” Oh, how I wish I could have seen the driver.
Now, eat your dinner!