Holidays – Easter

Posted on April 21, 2011 by Bruce Littlefield

Have you boiled your “Spring Spheres?” Made your over-the-top bonnet? Unpacked one of last year’s 700 million Peeps? I’m busy planning which part of the chocolate bunny I’ll bite off first. Of course, there’s a poll: 76% of Americans bite the ears first, 5% eat the feet and a weird 4% go for the tail. My favorite thing to make is my washcloth bunnies. Here’s a vintage CBS Early Show moment in which I help Harry Smith learn to craft. By the way, did you know we can thank Anglo-Saxon Goddess Eostre for both the holiday name and Oestrogen, the female hormone. Hide some eggs and have a hoppy Easter!

Share Button
Posted in American Fun, Decorating, Dinner Party Talk, Holidays, Household Tips, Life 101, Parties, Quick Fixes, Uncategorized, What I'm Doing | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Dinner Party Talk – For your weekend

Posted on April 15, 2011 by Bruce Littlefield

What?!

Cuckoo. This week it’s all about the crazy.
Indiana bananas. Police in Indianapolis have arrested a 36-year-old mom and 58-year-old dad, Rose Faucet and Phillip Hester, for attempting to sell their baby girl to a convicted child molester and his lovely child neglect convict bride. Yep, the molester and the neglector, Michael and Debby Overby, agreed to buy the baby girl for $300. Three hundred dollars?! Let’s see, a pair of shoes or a new baby? Two new reality shows in the making: The Price is Wrong and its companion series, I Had Evil Parents.
Batty Patty. What has the world come to when the TSA is doing pat downs on six-year-olds at the airport? Little Anna Drexel was subjected to a pat down after TSA officials refused her parent’s request to scan her again. If you’ve seen the video that her parents posted on YouTube… well, it looks like groping to me. The TSA said it was strictly “protocol.” I say crossing the line! Let me remind you of a Benjamin Franklin quote: “Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.”
Looped. Applebee’s announced this week it was retraining its workforce nationwide after a waiter in Detroit served a margarita to a 15-month-old. Though his parents had ordered Dominick Dill-Reese an apple juice, the parents decided to take a swig after the tot “kind of laid his head on the table and dozed off a little bit and woke up and got real happy.” This sounds exactly like what happened to me the last time I had a margarita. But, seriously, why was this family eating at Applebees? What are they, crazy?
Whacked. Did you hear about the two planes that clipped each other on the JFK runway? Authorities are investigating this week’s collision between the world’s largest jet a little commuter plane that left the little plane spinning on the runway like a top. They don’t need to investigate. I’ll tell you the problem. How about less pat downs of 6-year-olds and more Air Traffic controller eyeballs in the air and on the runway!
Idiotic. So, our government narrowly escaped a shutdown this week, after our two parties—the Donkeys and the Elephants—came to terms on spending. A Facebook friend asked me, “Remember when teachers, public employees, Planned Parenthood, and PBS crashed the stock market, wiped out half our 401Ks, took trillions in TARP money, spilled oil in the Gulf of Mexico, gave themselves billions in bonuses, and paid no taxes?” Yep, me neither.
Now, put down this blog and eat your dinner!

Share Button
Posted in American Fun, Dinner Party Talk, Gossip!, Life 101, Uncategorized, What I'm Doing | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Gardening – Koi Pond duty

Posted on April 14, 2011 by Bruce Littlefield

The pond is open. The ick is over.

I’m smiling not because I like it, but because it’s over. Taking the netting off the koi pond each year is always filled with heartache and slime. Heartache because we sometimes have lost one or two, and slime because the rest of those things can make a muck. Last year, Scott had plugged in the heater via household extension cords (thru the snow)… so we spent an afternoon burying the dead. This year, I opened the pond with the help of Gardener Gina and Westminster (who would have rather been promoting his book). It was relatively painless, except for the slime and having to pick out flapping fish from the net and get them back in water… before they drowned in air! What’s your ickiest spring chore?

Share Button
Posted in American Fun, American Pets, Gardening, Life 101, Uncategorized, What I'm Doing | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

What I’m Doing – Publisher’s Weekly

Posted on April 11, 2011 by Bruce Littlefield

Westminster and I were happy to wake up this morning to a gorgeous day in NY & an amazing review in Publisher’s Weekly for The Bedtime Book for Dogs. If you would pre-order a copy on Amazon or Barnes & Noble (or your local bookstore), Wes will give you a pawtograph and I will give you a lick. The book is the first book that incorporates dog words that dogs love to hear and kids will love to read. Did you know that the University of California has proven that kids who read to dogs improve their reading skills 30% over kids who read to their peers or alone? Westminster and I are on a mission for everyone to have good times and good reads.

Share Button
Posted in American Fun, American Pets, Famous Pets, Life 101, Uncategorized, What I'm Doing | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Dinner Party Talk – For your weekend

Posted on April 8, 2011 by Bruce Littlefield

Happy news. “Ban,” the dog found floating on the roof of a house more than a mile off the Japanese coast, has been reunited with her companion.
Weird news. News came out this week that Bristol Palin was paid $262,000 in 2009 to be the teen pregnancy prevention ambassador for The Candies Foundation. Um, cue the music, Alanis Morissette. Isn’t that ironic? Bristol makes hundreds of thousands of dollars for getting knocked up and then tell young ladies not to do it?
Sucky idea! A children’s toy company in Spain has introduced a doll that lets little girls play like they are nursing their babies. Yep, “Bebe Gloton” (which means “greedy baby”) comes with a halter top that your little girl puts on with daisies that act like nipples. Once the baby is “attached” the baby makes sucking sounds. When baby is done, it cries until it’s burped. Company says it will promote breastfeeding. I say, let Bristol take ‘em on her speaking tour!
Friday payday. Rebecca Black, the teen whose song “Friday” received a love/hate cult like following, is getting rich. Forbes says she’s earned more than $20,000 off her YouTube video and hundreds of thousands of dollars off iTune downloads of the song. Not a bad return on an initial $2000 investment. Take that haters!
Elderly Texting. In light of the new Oxford Dictionary words OMG and LOL, a friend sent me the “senior’s texting code.” Here are a few of the terms: ATD = At The Doctors. BFF = Best Friend Fell. BTW = Bring The Wheelchair. FWIW = Forgot Where I Was. LMDO = Laughing My Dentures Out. ROFL and CGU = Rolling On The Floor Laughing and Can’t Get Up! TTYL = Talk To You Louder.
Eau de Hog. I thought this was an April Fool’s joke, but it isn’t. “Because some things are just too good,” there’s a new cologne on the market, Bacōn. Yep, a bacon-scented fragrance with 11 essential oils! The claim on baconcologne.com is that wearing a bacon essence will be great for your career. I’m not sure about that, but it is sure to get you loved by every dog in town.
Last laugh. Two boll weevils grew up in my home state South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind and worked in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
Now, eat your dinner!

Share Button
Posted in American Fun, Dinner Party Talk, Gossip!, Life 101, Uncategorized, What I'm Doing | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Gossip! – Bruce in NY Daily News

Posted on April 7, 2011 by Bruce Littlefield

I swam into the Shark Tank and got eaten alive. Well, at least I lived to tell about it and read about it…
Today, NY Daily News’ Gatecrasher column had a fun item about the launch party for Shark Tales, my new book with Barbara Corcoran. The bit starts out “Barbara Corcoran knows that subtle is no way to celebrate.” And, um, I guess I learned from the best. My shark attack costume was fun with a fin.
See the rest of Frank Digiacomo’s Gatecrasher with Carson Griffith and Molly Fischer here.
And enjoy Shark Tank every Friday night on ABC.

Share Button
Posted in American Fun, Dinner Party Talk, Gossip!, Life 101, Uncategorized, What I'm Doing | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

American Fun – Bald eagle cam

Posted on April 4, 2011 by Bruce Littlefield

If you’re a bird voyeur, you’ll love the Bald Eagle nest cam on Ustream Live. A pair of Bald Eagles have set up house at a fish hatchery in Decorah, Iowa, and Big Brother has nothing on this. One of the eagle’s eggs hatched on Saturday, and another on Sunday. A third is expected to hatch in a couple of days. I’m always thrilled to see a pair that nest near Edgewater Farm fly down the creek. It is simply majestic, and now it’s fascinating to be in the nest with Eagles.

Share Button
Posted in American Fun, American Pets, Dinner Party Talk, Famous Pets, Life 101, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Dinner Party Talk – For your weekend

Posted on April 1, 2011 by Bruce Littlefield

Joke’s on him. A group of seven state employees in Albany hit the recent $319 million Mega Millions jackpot! But, then, there was the eighth guy, the one who usually played, but… just had an unlucky feeling about this one. They asked twice. He decided he was “going to pass this time.” Ouch. I hope they loan him money for therapy.
OMG LOL! The stuffy Oxford dictionary added some informal words to its lush lexicon. Wassup? In addition, to the teen texting abbreviations, they also added “muffin top.” Originally popularized on an episode of “Seinfeld” as the top portion of an actual muffin, it is now defined as “a protuberance of flesh above the waistband of a tight pair of trousers.” Or a day trip around any American mall.
Presidential joke. Donald Trump is officially drunk on the Kool-Aid. This week he perpetuated the myth that President Obama was born “elsewhere,” even though that has been positively debunked. To prove his mettle, Trump offered his own birth certificate, which was promptly disqualified as a joke by NYC’s Health Department because it didn’t have the city seal. So, Trump quickly dug up another one.
Oprah’s goodbye. But wait, there’s more Trump! The Queen of Daytime has invited The Donald and his bad hair and orange skin for one of her last shows. According to Page 6 (my go to source for hard news!), Oprah wants to give Donald a makeover! The invite promised, “This will become one of those historical television moments that will become iconic.” I’d say…
No joke. As we say goodbye to Women’s History Month and hello to April showers, I can’t not tell you about “Vulva Original.” What is it? Well, according to Harper’s magazine, German company VivaEros has created the “scent of a beautiful woman” and packaged it in a small roll-on for $35. The promotional video shows a hunky male watching a sexy woman riding a stationary bike in a beautiful gym. After her workout, the male gently sniffs the seat. “The female smell of intimacy,” promises the ad, “triggers sexual attraction and desire,” which men can address “more intensely during self-stimulation.” I wish I could say April Fools! I’m definitely going to have nightmares.
Final laugh. Did you hear about the woman who had twins and put them up for adoption? One goes to Egypt and they name him Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain and they name him Juan. Years go by and Juan sends his birth mother a picture of himself. Upon receiving the photo, the woman cries to her husband that she wished she had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband looks at her and says, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal!”
Now, stop laughing at me and eat your dinner!

Share Button
Posted in American Fun, Dinner Party Talk, Gossip!, Life 101, Uncategorized, What I'm Doing | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Holidays – April Fools!

Posted on April 1, 2011 by Bruce Littlefield

You know how all this “April Fool” insanity came about? Ancient cultures used to celebrate New Year’s Day at the vernal equinox, thus the Julian calendar designated April 1 as New Year’s Day. In 1582, Pope Gregory XIII ordered adoption of the boastfully named “Gregorian Calendar.” Those who resisted the change were dubbed “fools.” Can you imagine Pope Prada trying to do that today?
Early fools were sent invitations for non-existent parties (like the time in college I was the only one sent a “costume” party invite and showed up as a jackass), and there have been some great pranks since. In 1878, a New York paper ran an article claiming Thomas Edison had invented a “food machine” that could turn dirt into cereal. In 1957, the BBC aired a report on Switzerland’s eradication of the spaghetti weevil and said Swiss farmers were enjoying bumper crop of pasta. People fell for it and called the BBC asking how they could grow their own. In 1996, the fast food giant Taco Bell claimed it had bought the Liberty Bell and was renaming it the “Taco Liberty Bell.” It’s 2011, no one falls for that stuff anymore, right?

Share Button
Posted in American Fun, Dinner Party Talk, Holidays, Life 101, Uncategorized, What I'm Doing | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

American Pets – Happy dog

Posted on March 30, 2011 by Bruce Littlefield

Did you know that you can find a dog in approximately one in every three American households? And there are “rent-a-dog” companies in Japan that charge between 10 and 20 dollars an hour for a dog. Why? A dog has but one request, Love me. And yet gives and gives. All a dog wants is our attention. Today, Westminster and I met a happy friend in the park. She loves a good belly rub and was excited to hear about The Bedtime Book for Dogs. (Have you pre-ordered YOUR copy?) Her friend promised they’d take it with them on their therapy dog visits to a nursing home. The thought warmed my heart and made my day. Wes & I hope your day was happy too.

Share Button
Posted in American Fun, American Pets, Famous Pets, Life 101, Uncategorized, What I'm Doing | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment