Are you sleepy? Maybe you’re just running yourself ragged, but more likely, you got up at 4 a.m. this week to watch the nuptials of a commoner to a prince. Did you like her dress? Did you laugh at step-mom Camilla? Did you eat a slice of wedding fruitcake? Well, I can tell you I didn’t. I was having some sexy dreams at that hour! But guess what? There’s this thing called the Internet and I saw the whole shebang in a neatly packaged five minutes and have no bags under my eyes as a souvenir.
Left my skin in San Francisco… From the same town that banned plastic bags and Happy Meals, comes news they’ve gathered more than 12,000 signatures to put an interesting new ban before the electorate. Their target? Banning circumcision! I’m trying to get my friend in SF to send me one of the “May the foreskin by with you” buttons.
Sorry wrong number. E.T. got a bad connection this week. Due to recent government cutbacks, the SETI Institute in California, which operates the giant field of radio dishes scanning for signals of alien civilizations, has had to go into “hibernation.” What a bad time to call it quits! A few months ago they found planets that potentially host alien life. Sorry aliens we can’t hear you, no intelligent life here.
Katie signs off. Katie—I even smile during colonoscopies—Couric announced this week she was leaving her anchor desk at CBS News. Seems even $15 million a year couldn’t keep her from feeling a little too confined behind the news desk. Oh, that, and she heard a woman named Oprah was giving up a time slot.
Air freshener included. Investment banker John Belitsky just paid a New York City cab driver $5000 to drive he and his friend Dan Wuebben 2,448 miles to Los Angeles. They said they woke up and wanted to do something “magical and bigger than us” for Dan’s 32nd birthday. The six-day trip included a $2000 winning stop in Las Vegas. Considering it costs me twelve bucks to get across mid-town, I guestimated the actual meter reading would have been at least a hundred thousand, but NYU Local blog’s resident genius figured the meter would have read $17,000. Whatta bargain!
The Voice. Christina Aguilera and her ample bosoms appeared on NBC’s new singing competition show this week with a few other singer types. After being outrageously annoyed by NBC’s endless promotions of it, I’ll go so far as saying the show is interesting, okay, enjoyable. But more, I really just want one of those swirly chairs with a whammy button in my office.
Now, erect your May pole and eat your dinner!
