Jessica Simpson sing Christmas carols. Wait, that’s not it. It’s the lighting of the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree. This year’s tree, a 12-ton, 74-foot Norway Spruce, was cut from the Mahopac, NY, backyard of Peter Acton, a New York City firefighter and September 11th first responder. The majestic beauty is illuminated by 30,000 environmentally-friendly LED lights. That’s 5 miles of wire! And you were complaining about the battle with your paltry 300!Let there be light. One of my favorite New York traditions is hearing
Holiday shopping. How about this for “using what you’ve got?” Two women were arrested for shoplifting at a TJ Maxx store. Yep, the duo was found stuffing $2600 worth of merchandise into their rolls of belly fat and beneath their pendulous breasts. Given that TJ Maxx is 60% off, that’s no small feat. Their take included four pair of boots, three pair of jeans, a wallet and gloves. Boots?!
Christmas crackers. Poor Susan Boyle. This week, during her live performance of “O Holy Night” on ABC’s The View, her voice cracked. It actually sounded like a burp. She stopped cold turkey and stared off camera for help. A redo? Um, no Susan, this is live TV. Sherri Shepherd said, “That was beautiful,” while Whoopi Goldberg looked like she had seen the ghost of Christmas past. Susan just looked liked she wanted to burp out “O Holy Hell!”
Here’s one sure to crack ‘em up in Poughkeepsie. You may have heard of a guy named Gandhi. You might also know he walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses. He also ate very little, which made him frail, and because of his odd diet he suffered from bad breath. Yep. He was a super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Now, eat your dinner!